Train Wreck!

Imagine a creaky roller coaster with a loose seat belt and no handles to hold onto. Pulling out of the station, the cart slides easily around a corner and one may think that this is quite the leisurely ride. Suddenly, the cart lurches forward into a nose dive so steep you can't see the bottom. At this point, I close my eyes and scream. The cart reaches the bottom of the hill and I'm sure I'm going to crash. The cart does not crash but takes a swift turn over a series of small hills. I am positivethat the cart is going to throw me out. Twisting, turning, upside down loops. I spot the end of the track and let out a scream because I'm positive it just ends. The track just stops! I'm pummeling at an unimaginable speed towards what I'm sure will be my death when the cart slows to a stop. Instantly, the cart reverses twice as fast as before back over the series of bumps, turns, and giant hill into the station. My heart is pounding in my ears and I think I'm going to pass out. That is an emotional roller coaster.

I was joking around with a friend of mine about how my emotions can be like a roller coaster. He asked me what I would name this particular ride. I thought for only a second when it hit me. Train wreck. "Anyone who gets out alive gets another free ride!" I can definitely find myself on this at really inconvenient times. I will go and go until I'm completely spent. It's always the weirdest things that point out something is wrong. Like bawling at running out of eye contact solution then remembering I have some stashed around the corner. Stopping think through what I have just done,I realize that I need to spend some serious time with Jesus.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke up you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

So many times I can get distracted with what's going on around me. Life can get so busy! Work, errands, hanging out with ladies, ministry, family time, church. Everything goes by so fast and fills up my schedule. I don't really plan on penning in a 'breaking down before the Lord so He can be my absolute number one and mold me into what he wants me to be' time. That requires a lot time, brutal honesty, battling lies, utter brokenness, and tears. It's not really the most pleasurable thing to do. In the end; though, I hand over a bunch a nasty stuff to God and he gives me peace, joy, love and fills me up with his righteousness. I stay at the throne until I hand every thing over and he dumps his blessings on me. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God." Matthew 5:3

What does it mean to be poor in spirit? The Greek word meaning poor in spirit is the same for beggar. Blessed are those who are starving beggars? Jesus can't be serious! But he is. Blessed are those who are starving for God. They are desperate for Him. Desperate people don't wait shyly for a little bit of food. They rush after it desiring for as much as they can get. This is the kind of heart that God loves and he promises an entire kingdom! This state of desperation for God should be a normal part of my life but only happens when I can't take what life is dishing out to me. Hopefully, I can make this more a part of my everyday life.

Lucky for me, God understands the ever changing waves that are my emotions and thoughts. I will continue to trust and desperately chase after Christ. My prayer is that you will also chase after Christ desperately.

Promise verses:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in His arms, holding them close to His heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." Isaiah 40:11