It's Been a While Since I've Been Around

For a while, I was dealing with some doubts and questions I had. I seemed like there wasn't any good answer to any of my questions. Initially, I was afraid to ask them. I was afraid people would think I was dumb then I realized that they didn't know all the answers either! My questions were completely valid but they were tough. I decided to delve into the book 'Case for Faith' to find some answers. The more I read, the more I prayed for God to soften my heart because I didn't want to hear what he had to say. Originally, I had hoped to find answers and solve all the world's problems in a little bit of a week. Obviously that didn't happen. I realized that I will probably always have questions and doubts.

Lee Strobel talked with Lynn Anderson, D. Min. Anderson has a masters from the Harding School of Religion and a doctor of ministry from Abilene Christian University. He explained faith in such a profound way.


He reached into his pocket and withdrew his hand. "Okay," he said, "I'm holding something. Do you know what it is?"

I ventured a guess: "A coin."

"But you don't know for sure," he said. "That's your opinion. Our faith is not our opinion. Let me tell you I've got a quarter in my hand. Do you believe that?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'm telling you it's true, but you haven't seen it. That's faith. Hebrews says faith is the evidence of things unseen."

Anderson smiled. "Watch as I completely destroy your faith." With that he opened his hand to reveal a quarter. "Now it's no longer faith; it's knowledge."


I was pretty surprised by this claim. Faith isn't about having all the answers and it leaves lots of room for doubts. Sometimes that really sucks. It's really challenging to not have all the answers and still believe. In the end, Anderson reminded Lee Strobel of all the evidence he had already gathered.

God is very, very good. He is forgiving, fair, just, and loving. God does everything for a purpose even if we never see the end result. There is evidence for these things. For quite a few months I couldn't see it and didn't want to believe. All I saw was pain and anguish that I could do very little about. Sometimes when I talk about what's going wrong, I just want somebody to be there with me. Tell me that it sucks because it does. Life can really, really suck. Most people don't want a theological explanation of why things are the way they are. They want to be comforted and supported. God will make everything right at the perfect time, I just have to wait and believe.

That is one of the biggest things that I have learned in the past couple months and I hope that I will not forget. It has been a long, hard road to come to the conclusion that God is faithful.

Since I've last blogged I have been on a few adventures! One of them was to visit my very good friend, Eliska Cramer, in Iowa City. I thought about going clad in Iowa State gear but I didn't feel like dying that weekend. I went around campus, stopped in some stores, met some real college people, and talked with admissions. Yep, admissions. I'm thinking about going to Iowa University for Linguistics. We'll see if this sticks though. I've been thinking about it for a couple months now.

I also got a job at Childserve. I work at their daycare location with three year olds. It is such a blast! I love the kids. I love getting excited with them when they can zip up their own coats and playing babies with the girls. One particular girl catches my heart every time we play the who's sillier game. I wish that's all there was to this job but children can definitely misbehave. I am continuously learning how to discipline children properly. Being consistent and loving while disciplining has been the biggest challenge of my job. Hopefully, through prayer and practice I will get better at it.

All in all, the last couple of months have been up and down with a few trainwrecks but I came out alive. I'm gunnin' it now.

Prayers and Verses:

• Time management for school, work, and ministry




• "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be moved." Psalm 55:22

Cadavers or ZOMBIES?

So, now I have officially been to all of my classes. This semester is going to be interesting... I'm taking Anatomy and Physiology, Ethics, Sociology, and Accounting. I think A&P is going to be my favorite while Ethics and Sociology are going to be "easy" classes. Now Accounting on the other hand is going to be a most loathed class. Every time I tell someone I'm taking Accounting they begin to pity me; usually with sad eyes and a good luck. In the first week we did a problem, about half way through I was so confused and gave up. After my class, I went straight over to building six to get a tutor. This class is going to be tough! Well, usually when I decide something it almost always turns itself around and surprises me with something completely different. I will just have to wait and see. Anatomy & Physiology and Accounting are the classes I need to get into the Mortuary Science program next fall. I have to get a minimum of a 'C', so lots of studying this semester.

My ultimate dream (so far because I change my mind a lot) is to be an embalmer. I get lots of different reactions from that little tidbit of information. I feel as though people tend to judge me as soon as I tell them. When I think mortuary science, I picture my very own funeral home, sweet music coming from the embalming room, and long strolls through the cemetery. Those are some highlights of being a mortician. When I tell people, I bet they imagine bloody and dismembered bodies, tools like weaponry, and a mortician in a lab coat with a maniacal laugh. They confuse my future profession as a civilized mortician with a mad scientist that has turned from the good side to murder innocent victims who just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As fun as that may sound, there isn't a decent income for mad genius murderers and colleges don't give degrees for that either.

Almost every person asks me why I want to be in that profession. There's not really one specific thing. Maybe because I can't really think of any other thing that I would be good at? Or maybe because it doesn't scare me? Or maybe it's because I have a plan of attack when zombies begin their invasion so I can be the first to sound the alarm! Just kidding. Seriously, though, I want to be an embalmer because I know it's important. I remember staring at classmate almost unbelieving that he was actually dead. There he was. He didn't look like he was alive or sleeping. I knew he was not coming back. I have done that several more times since then. It's an important part of the grieving process. I feel so awful for the friends and family of the deceased. I wish I could fix everything so people don't have to feel such despair as they part with their beloved friend, brother, daughter, mother, or whoever that person may have been. The problem is that I can't fix it so I want to help make things just a little easier for them. That's the reason I want to be an embalmer.

Plus, I love the look on people's faces when I tell them what my major is.

Marriage and Mountains

My life has been oh so busy these last couple of weeks. I keep telling people I'm going to update my blog and I just never get around to it. Alas, here I am!

I was blessed to be involved with a wedding. Marriage... Created by God because man should not be alone. What a genius God is!! God is in a complete relationship ever since the beginning of time. "Then God said, "Let us make man in our image..." Genesis 1:26. Then he made the institution of marriage to glorify himself: God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Imagine God being the speaker at your wedding! I loved every minute of the Wessman Wedding. I made friends and some definite memories I won't soon forget. It was such a blast hanging out with the wedding party. Saran wrapping the wedding vehicle and even racing one of the bridesmaids in high heels right before the wedding started. I would like to brag that I won, but Eva Opfer bested me. My life is never boring with friends like these!!

This month I went out to Granby, Colorado with cars packed full of stuff and people. I was so stoked! We set out right after Epicenter into the night on our way for adventure. I fell asleep in the car almost immediately. haha! I woke up for my turn to drive and for the winding drive up the mountain, of course. Couldn't miss that photo op! We drove so close to the peak we could have hiked up and had a snowball fight. In the middle of summer! How epic would that have been?

We climbed a mountain while we were there. I yelled at myself "Endurance, perserverance!" over and over. I probably lost more breath yelling than actually climbing. Climbing a mountain is such a good example of faith. You can't see the top of a mountain on the hike up but you trust there is a top. Keep on fighting even when you're tired and believing the top is near. Hearing the sound of my friends calling when I get close really gets my legs pumping. My heart yearning for the top is nearly killing me. Finally, at the top I pump my fists in the air victoriously then lay down for a little bit of rest. Heaven is going to be even more restful and victorious than climbing a mountain. I can't wait.

One night we went up to the park where Mariah stayed and went swingdancing. Definitely a highlight: teaching crazy asians how to dance! We couldn't hear the music in the room and that was the end of the night. Not! We pulled up a van, blared some swing music, and danced under the stars.

The stars in Colorado are magnificent. I even saw the milky way for the first time! Through all this, I was expecting a mountaintop, blood rushing to my head, head over heels experience with God. I was excited to be in Colorado but I didn't get that extreme feeling I had been waiting for. Colorado is the type of place where people see God's creation and seek out his grace for their first time. Why didn't I have this feeling?

During my prayer time, I prayed to know God and his steady love for me. I completely forget that I had been asking to know him and love him a little bit more every day all summer long. God's love for me never changes. It's absolutely constant and perfect. His love doesn't have highs and lows like me but is everlasting. I could almost hear the whisper on the wind, "Aren't the stars beautiful? Aren't the mountains mighty? Isn't the sunset the most dazzling that you have ever seen? Laurie, I love you more than these." I finally believed it. It took all summer long and quite a few tears but I understand his grace and love just a little bit more. He dances over me and is enthralled with my beauty. I can just imagine him in Heaven having a good God-like chuckle saying, "She finally believes it!" I sat under the stars astounded by the beauty. God loves me more.

My promise verses:

"And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is not far from each one of us." Acts 17:26-27

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Train Wreck!

Imagine a creaky roller coaster with a loose seat belt and no handles to hold onto. Pulling out of the station, the cart slides easily around a corner and one may think that this is quite the leisurely ride. Suddenly, the cart lurches forward into a nose dive so steep you can't see the bottom. At this point, I close my eyes and scream. The cart reaches the bottom of the hill and I'm sure I'm going to crash. The cart does not crash but takes a swift turn over a series of small hills. I am positivethat the cart is going to throw me out. Twisting, turning, upside down loops. I spot the end of the track and let out a scream because I'm positive it just ends. The track just stops! I'm pummeling at an unimaginable speed towards what I'm sure will be my death when the cart slows to a stop. Instantly, the cart reverses twice as fast as before back over the series of bumps, turns, and giant hill into the station. My heart is pounding in my ears and I think I'm going to pass out. That is an emotional roller coaster.

I was joking around with a friend of mine about how my emotions can be like a roller coaster. He asked me what I would name this particular ride. I thought for only a second when it hit me. Train wreck. "Anyone who gets out alive gets another free ride!" I can definitely find myself on this at really inconvenient times. I will go and go until I'm completely spent. It's always the weirdest things that point out something is wrong. Like bawling at running out of eye contact solution then remembering I have some stashed around the corner. Stopping think through what I have just done,I realize that I need to spend some serious time with Jesus.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke up you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for you souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

So many times I can get distracted with what's going on around me. Life can get so busy! Work, errands, hanging out with ladies, ministry, family time, church. Everything goes by so fast and fills up my schedule. I don't really plan on penning in a 'breaking down before the Lord so He can be my absolute number one and mold me into what he wants me to be' time. That requires a lot time, brutal honesty, battling lies, utter brokenness, and tears. It's not really the most pleasurable thing to do. In the end; though, I hand over a bunch a nasty stuff to God and he gives me peace, joy, love and fills me up with his righteousness. I stay at the throne until I hand every thing over and he dumps his blessings on me. I can breathe a sigh of relief.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of God." Matthew 5:3

What does it mean to be poor in spirit? The Greek word meaning poor in spirit is the same for beggar. Blessed are those who are starving beggars? Jesus can't be serious! But he is. Blessed are those who are starving for God. They are desperate for Him. Desperate people don't wait shyly for a little bit of food. They rush after it desiring for as much as they can get. This is the kind of heart that God loves and he promises an entire kingdom! This state of desperation for God should be a normal part of my life but only happens when I can't take what life is dishing out to me. Hopefully, I can make this more a part of my everyday life.

Lucky for me, God understands the ever changing waves that are my emotions and thoughts. I will continue to trust and desperately chase after Christ. My prayer is that you will also chase after Christ desperately.

Promise verses:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

"He will feed His flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in His arms, holding them close to His heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young." Isaiah 40:11

Things just aren't fair on this earth

Last Thursday, a classmate from Southeast Polk lost his life to Leukemia. He was in a few of my classes and we may have accidentally bumped into each other or been partnered up for something or another. It can be so strange to think of someone who was so filled with life to be dead. He just didn't seem like the kind of guy that would lose but life isn't fair. This dominion is not perfect and it's definitely not heaven. Although, I can only claim him as an acquaintance and a classmate I feel like my heart has been torn out of my chest and ripped apart right before my very eyes. It's not fair that he had Leukemia, it's not fair that he left all his friends wondering why, it's not fair that his parents have to bury their child. It's just not fair and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

All I can do is tell people what is coming after death. All I can do is hope, pray, cry, beg that people understand what is coming. Not everyone goes to Heaven. I don't know if Robbie is in Heaven. I don't know him well enough to say so but it's between Robbie and God. I really hope he is there. I don't want anyone to go to Hell.

I was driving when reality smacked me across the face. I wanted to rip the steering wheel right out of the dash board but I refrained. Instead, I screamed at the top of my lungs at Satan. One day, Satan will have a second death and will burn forever in hell. There will be a new heaven. God will wipe the tears away from our eyes. Pain and suffering will be a thing of the past. No more cancer, no more car accidents, no more suicides. It will all be dealt with. The happily ever finally comes at the end of the age. We just gotta get there

I care about Southeast Polk and the people there. I get so weary from knowing people I care about are in pain. I hope this spurs you on to share the graciousness of God through Christ. It's the only lasting hope that we can depend on. We have nothing, but in Christ we have everything.

Verses to claim:

Matthew 11:28-30

Psalm 46:10

Revelation 21:3-4,6,7

I'm not who I was~ Brandon Heath

Some people call me Laurie. Others may call me Laurence. Some others call me Lauretta. This is only the beginning. No, I don't have multiple personalities... I hope! I have so many nicknames! I can't even count them on one hand. I'm not exactly sure how I got these nicknames but I kind of like them. I rather enjoy being called a different name than the one that my parental units picked out for me. I don't dislike Laurie. Oh, no. It's a wonderful and beautiful name. I'm glad to have it but it's special when someone renames me. The first time I was called Laurence was a few years ago and it stuck. This nickname has led to many more. Loraly, Lauretta, Dorcus (which is a real name in the bible!), Laurence from Florence, Laurenceka, Raurie. These are only a few of the names I have but I'm not the only one with a different name.

Saul became Paul. Christ had changed this man who hunted down christians and murdered them. Christ confronted Saul when he was on his way to Damascus chasing down some christians. Saul was a changed man who later wrote many books of the New Testament. He became on fire and crazy about the love of Christ. He became Paul. I hope that I have changed enough to deserve a new name like Laurence. I know that I have changed since I've let Christ be my number 1 man. I really hope the old Laurie that people knew way back when is dead. She was pretty awful. I could go on and on about that but there is no point in dwelling in the past. I have repented of my lifestyle. I hope to become more and more like Christ. Little less Laurie, a little more Laurence. That is why I love getting nicknames. A new person deserves a new name, right? Only logical.

As Laurence I hope to continue to walk by faith with Christ until I'm very old. Then I intend to walk with Jesus in Heaven and perhaps a swing dance will be called for. Until then, I will write about my life with Jesus as Laurence.