It's Been a While Since I've Been Around

For a while, I was dealing with some doubts and questions I had. I seemed like there wasn't any good answer to any of my questions. Initially, I was afraid to ask them. I was afraid people would think I was dumb then I realized that they didn't know all the answers either! My questions were completely valid but they were tough. I decided to delve into the book 'Case for Faith' to find some answers. The more I read, the more I prayed for God to soften my heart because I didn't want to hear what he had to say. Originally, I had hoped to find answers and solve all the world's problems in a little bit of a week. Obviously that didn't happen. I realized that I will probably always have questions and doubts.

Lee Strobel talked with Lynn Anderson, D. Min. Anderson has a masters from the Harding School of Religion and a doctor of ministry from Abilene Christian University. He explained faith in such a profound way.


He reached into his pocket and withdrew his hand. "Okay," he said, "I'm holding something. Do you know what it is?"

I ventured a guess: "A coin."

"But you don't know for sure," he said. "That's your opinion. Our faith is not our opinion. Let me tell you I've got a quarter in my hand. Do you believe that?"

"Sure," I said.

"I'm telling you it's true, but you haven't seen it. That's faith. Hebrews says faith is the evidence of things unseen."

Anderson smiled. "Watch as I completely destroy your faith." With that he opened his hand to reveal a quarter. "Now it's no longer faith; it's knowledge."


I was pretty surprised by this claim. Faith isn't about having all the answers and it leaves lots of room for doubts. Sometimes that really sucks. It's really challenging to not have all the answers and still believe. In the end, Anderson reminded Lee Strobel of all the evidence he had already gathered.

God is very, very good. He is forgiving, fair, just, and loving. God does everything for a purpose even if we never see the end result. There is evidence for these things. For quite a few months I couldn't see it and didn't want to believe. All I saw was pain and anguish that I could do very little about. Sometimes when I talk about what's going wrong, I just want somebody to be there with me. Tell me that it sucks because it does. Life can really, really suck. Most people don't want a theological explanation of why things are the way they are. They want to be comforted and supported. God will make everything right at the perfect time, I just have to wait and believe.

That is one of the biggest things that I have learned in the past couple months and I hope that I will not forget. It has been a long, hard road to come to the conclusion that God is faithful.

Since I've last blogged I have been on a few adventures! One of them was to visit my very good friend, Eliska Cramer, in Iowa City. I thought about going clad in Iowa State gear but I didn't feel like dying that weekend. I went around campus, stopped in some stores, met some real college people, and talked with admissions. Yep, admissions. I'm thinking about going to Iowa University for Linguistics. We'll see if this sticks though. I've been thinking about it for a couple months now.

I also got a job at Childserve. I work at their daycare location with three year olds. It is such a blast! I love the kids. I love getting excited with them when they can zip up their own coats and playing babies with the girls. One particular girl catches my heart every time we play the who's sillier game. I wish that's all there was to this job but children can definitely misbehave. I am continuously learning how to discipline children properly. Being consistent and loving while disciplining has been the biggest challenge of my job. Hopefully, through prayer and practice I will get better at it.

All in all, the last couple of months have been up and down with a few trainwrecks but I came out alive. I'm gunnin' it now.

Prayers and Verses:

• Time management for school, work, and ministry




• "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be moved." Psalm 55:22